A Pirate's Life for Me

Forget this world of bleating ring tones and mortgage spam. I want to sail the wide seas and kiss every young lass in every port … as Captain Jack Sparrow. The midnight premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest gave me the perfect reason to raid my own chest of Halloween costumes and emerge as everyone’s favorite scalawag.

My costuming escapades are an extension of my acting – I stay in character when attired. I’ve played Jack for San Francisco’s Halloween 2003, and for Venice’s Carnivale 2004, and he’s my favorite of all my Halloween characters in the last 10 years. As Jack, I feel liberated.

I went to the premiere at San Francisco’s Metreon, where I met up with my friends Rachel Nichols (director of The Commercial Traveler and The Ballad of Shamble Hiss) and Eileen Agas (director of my upcoming short, Death of a Trapeze Artist). When I lurched throughout the lobby as the perpetually rum-sotted vagabond, a few people asked if I was actually drunk, which I took as a great compliment. I called out “’Ello, love” to every lovely lass -- kissing the cheeks of many of them -- posed for photos, stood alongside people playing shooting video games and pointed my gun at the screen, stumbled onto the Dance Dance Experience machine … I savored every moment.

In addition to being my favorite costume, Jack is also my most detailed. It takes me about an hour to put on my “effects” (as Jack would say). Here’s the secret recipe:

• Hat from 826 Valencia's pirate supply store
• Compass, around which I glued fabric so it could dangle from my belt
• A plastic sword (from a toy store in Venice)
• A plastic gun (I bought a realistic replica at the Dickens Faire, but sadly, California laws prohibit me from taking it out in public)
• Boots with strap-on boot covers
• Brown pirate pants and vest from Spirit Halloween Store
• Fluffy white shirt covered in blotches of "dirt" (special makeup from Kryolan in San Francisco)
• A fake piece of sculptured bone, which Anita made for me from clay, painted white and baked
• An assortment of beads from SOMA's Beyond Beads, which I strung together to match Jack's as closely as possible
• A dreadlock wig from Foxy Lady Boutique that I thinned out dramatically, untying a few of the dreads to make it nattier, and added some coconut oil to give it a sheen and a Caribbean aroma
• Red bandanna
• Two beard ponytails that I made from parts of the wig, and glued on with Kryolan's amazing prosthetic adhesive (forget spirit gum ... that stuff will leave you stressed out and constantly checking whether all your pieces are still together).
• Two to three weeks worth of beard stubble
• Silver tooth enamel from Kryolan
  
• "Dirt" on hands and under fingernails
• Black liquid eyeliner
• Deep tanning foam, applied 2-3 hours in advance, plus makeup on my chest
• A long piece of fabric from Jo-Ann Fabric tied around my waist and dangling to my knees, which I distressed to make it look like it's traveled through many a storm
• A diagonal strap with buckle
• Two silver rings, and two red strings tied around fingers
• Fabric tied around each hand

Did I go so far as to find special underwear? Love, there are some mysteries that must remain so. You will ALWAYS remember this as the day you almost caught all of Captain Jack Sparrow's secrets!

The Two Sisters Say Goodbye

Back from the distant land of Modesto, where the indie feature The Two Sisters wrapped yesterday. Vince Lasalvia and I had an odyssey getting from S.F. to the filming on Friday: about 40 miles out of Modesto, the outer skin of my Neon's old tire flew off into the ether. We pulled over, did a NASCAR-worthy quick change with my ancient spare, and took off. Of course, after about 10 miles the spare went out as well, since I hadn't aired it up in many years. (Although I played a mechanic in Like Lightning, automotive skills must not have rubbed off on me.) We pulled over again, decided that the first tire would have to do, and switched them back out.

At this point, I was officially late, and I hate being late for filming (especially since I claim in my bio that I get to set early). When an actor is tardy, I consider it a sign of disrespect toward the crew -- who are always toiling before actors arrive -- and toward the other actors. So, when the first tire finally breathed its last a mere two miles from set, I was ready to scream. Even worse -- the Modesto Bee was scheduled to be on set for my scene ... and I was an hour late. We limped at 5 mph into a gas station and called the P.A. to come pick us up.

I blew onto set with profuse apologies, but luckily the filming didn't get set back much. The Bee photographer got what she needed (check out the photos), and my girlfriend Jessica (played by Kathleen Reed) and I finished our quick scene in front of the "sorority house," a.k.a. a suburban Modesto home. As fratboy Todd, I get to play a jerk, which is always fun.

During the break, Vince and I got the front tires replaced at the local Sears, and I reviewed my lines for the sorority party scenes that night. Most of the cast, as well as a gaggle of extras, filled the house for those scenes, when I spy Lannie (played by Eve Lorraine) for the first time and identify her as my prey for the night. Eve is a real delight to work with; she brought the perfect mix of sensuality and edgy unpredictability to the role of the sociopathic Lannie. And for me, it was fun playing a guy who wears a GQ-type party shirt rather than a yuppie-clone-button-up-shirt-with-khakis uniform.

The next day, Vince and I drove back out to Modesto for the final day of filming. Although the previous day wrapped right on time -- midnight -- the schedule on the last day got delayed because of tensions that arose on set before we arrived. Anyway, I did a quick scene with Eve that takes place the morning after we hook up at the party: Todd discovers that he's met his match in the love-em-and-leave-em field, and is just waking up while she's about to walk out. I was in boxers for this scene, with carefully arranged bedcovers to suggest nothing at all (I have done a real nude scene for another indie film ... artistically appropriate, as they say ... details later, if you ask nicely).

The final shot was one of the most complicated: Jessica and I get run over by a jealous Lannie. On a tight budget, with no stunt people, that's not an easy (or safe) proposition. Eventually the crew worked out a way to cheat it so that we actors were never actually running in front of a moving car ... instead, Eve turns on the headlights, we're in a shocked closeup, and a crew member moves a block of wood to give us an eyeline simulating a car rushing toward us. They'll cut straight from that shot to a closeup of Eve behind the wheel, as the crew was lifting the bumper to simulate our bodies getting crushed under the wheels. (When you eventually see the film, please forget I told you this.)